Posts tagged love
Posts tagged love
One of the few memories I have connected to my grandfather is collecting fossilized shells at his ranch outside Austin, Texas. His family had owned it for generations, splitting it up for the subsuquent sons, daughters, and grandchildren. My mom, aunts, and uncle will own it someday.
The shells meant nothing to me then except as a way to pursue my dream of becoming the world’s first archaeologist astronaut. Jurassic Park and Apollo 13 were huge influences on my early years. I’m sure now that for my grandfather they were a way to make us happy in a way that he understood. A consummate science fiction fan himself, he always encouraged the naturalist impulse in his children and grandchildren.
2 years later and I realize that I’ll never really know who he was except by hearsay. I saw him a few dozen times in my life, although he was constantly in the thoughts, actions, and words of my family. Somehow I loved that man even while not knowing him. He was able to impact my life tangentially and in ways no one could expect — from him, through my mother, I also have a penchant for science fiction, the outdoors, news media, and space.
Filling the gaps between the unmovable presence of our world and irresistible force of our destiny is affect. Love in particular fills our lives with significance and optimism. It is/was by no means perfect — I still remember the uneasiness of my father in the presence of my grandfather, as my patriarch passively deferred to the other. Or also when Grandpa was harsh, reclusive, or, well, Presbyterian. It’s just unusual that this time I experience the structure of love in a way that is pure because intention is absent. There were no motives, only the time spent between someone too young to know anything but how to enjoy oneself, and another too old to care.